the path From there to here

The Balanced Ninja started as one thing, and it has evolved into something else.

I began this site when I was a very new mother and also very newly single. I wanted an outlet to write, and I also wanted a way to keep myself accountable for taking care of myself. It was (and still is) important to me that my daughter sees that emulated to her. So, this was conceived as a web site that was largely about self-care. And it is. But not the type of yoga-practicing, manicure-getting, sipping-hot-tea-while-wrapped-in-a-cozy-blanket self-care I originally envisioned. 

As I have stepped into one of the most meaningful and intense periods of my life, self-care has, in some ways, turned into a process of excavation and figuring out who I am now. Sometimes this involves reflecting on who I was and the milestones that got me here. Like so many of us, I spent a lot of my twenties figuring out who I was and what I wanted out of life. What I perhaps didn’t realize is that a lot of life has happened since then, and I am both the same and different than the 20-something version of me. Who I was then isn’t who I am now—entirely. But that 20-something version of me certainly played a big role in getting me here. I didn’t give her enough credit at the time for being a determined, go-getting bad-ass. 

Recently, self-care has also become a lot about healing from a very emotionally abusive situation, figuring out how I got there, and re-discovering the voice that was largely shut down for a few years. It’s about fighting against the muting, stomach-twisting, and irrational reaction of shame. In my experience, this is perhaps the most insidious impact of abuse. I never imagined writing about this topic, but I have received so many messages in response to my initial post from others who are grappling with similar situations that I realized we need to share. We need to talk, and we need to talk loud. Abuse of any variety tends to happen in a shroud of secrecy, and then we carry that dirty little secret within ourselves as if it was our own. It is not. 

Having said all of that, The Balanced Ninja is also still sometimes about yoga and manicures and sipping hot tea under cozy blankets, too. It’s also about setting goals and finding inspiration. It’s about wading through grief and savoring every single second of joy. It’s about love and believing in those nebulous things that are greater than us. It’s about life, and giving ourselves what we need in the moment at hand to be the best, strongest, and most true version of ourselves.

Thank you for joining me.