Letting the Light In

This entire week has been spiraling toward the culmination I feel right now: light.

I feel lightness in my body. I don’t know that I had even consciously realized the heaviness I’d been carrying around in the form of aches and pains and strains, much of which I am sure manifested as a result of anxiety and fear. All of a sudden, I feel bouncy and lithe, as if something has released within me and left me feeling buoyant. I feel an airiness billowing up inside of me.

I feel a lightness in my brain. I don’t feel tethered down by thoughts and fears that are running on repeat. Instead, my mind feels expansive and creative. Almost as if everything had been jammed up behind a wall and it is now free to flow.

I feel lightness in my heart. After years of feeling a broken sort of heaviness in my chest, my heart feels open and free and alive with possibility and room. It doesn’t even feel mended—it feels as if it has never been broken in the first place. I’m not sure that I have felt this since I was twenty.

I feel lit up from the inside, and I can see how that light has been drawing people of an incredible caliber into my life. My interactions have been easy and open, and my conversations with people of all stripes have left me smiling and feeling seen. Even in the course of more difficult conversations, I’ve recently been able to more easily discern where the other person is coming from and to draw boundaries while still acting with compassion.

The road ahead of me feels lit up to the point where it is almost glimmering. It’s as if I was in a dark tunnel for a while. I suddenly rounded the corner, and I can see the light pouring in from the opening that is just in front of me.

I don’t think all of this happened overnight—not at all. But I am realizing that, even when it felt like I was stuck in the sludge this year, I was still moving forward. I am now at the point where I can clearly see the measurable results of everything I have experienced and learned. I can see how adversity and challenge somehow made me both stronger and softer at the same time.

I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more genuine gratitude than I do right now. Never before has there been a Thanksgiving where I have felt more genuinely thankful … for all of it.